If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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