I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
