JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
