porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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