you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
