Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
