Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
