nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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