I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
