omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
