I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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