Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
