Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's Friday. Sex?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
