Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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