I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
