I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
