So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
