I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
