Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
