sarcasm needs its own font
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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