why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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