i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
