Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
