he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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