I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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