ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
