FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
