It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
