I think i peed on brittanys purse
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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