You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
