i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
