Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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