they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
