We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
