I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
