that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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