you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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