hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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