It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize