I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
