Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
