he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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