We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
