Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
