made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
