didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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