2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
