Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
