Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
