My liver just broke up with me...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
