don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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