i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
