He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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