I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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