There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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