I like my sex mixed with concussions.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
