I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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