I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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