first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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