i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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