Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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