So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
