ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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