I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
third nipple confirmed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize