I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
