I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
