wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
