I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
