idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
